The more you love her, the more you have to lie. "Have I gained weight?" — even if she's rounder than a beach ball: "What? You look exactly the same." "Are these new wrinkles?" — even if her face looks like a crumpled receipt: "Where? I don't see a thing." "I think I've gotten ugly." — no matter what: "You're gorgeous, what are you talking about?" "I ate way too much today, didn't I?" — even if she cleared the whole table: "That was nothing, you barely touched it." These aren't questions. They're exams with the answer already printed on the page. So a man becomes a liar while dating, and a full-blown con artist by the time he's married. But here's the funny part — the second he's back with his buddies, the honesty comes roaring back. Make eye contact with a friend and "idiot" just falls out of your mouth. One extra bite and it's "that's enough, you animal." Look a little tired and your buddy goes "damn, you've aged like milk." We give each other zero hope. Just the cold, hard truth. That's why every man needs to see his friends sometimes — to get back the honesty he lost at home.
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